Yes, And Forever (Part One)
Foreword by Siobhan Finniss
It has long been obvious to me that practicing improv (much like many art forms) has therapeutic benefits. Of course, improv is not a replacement for therapy and your improv teacher is not a psychologist - mostly we have arts/law degrees 😂. In my own experience though, practicing improv has helped me overcome psychological roadblocks that were holding me back in life. Likewise, sometimes our development as an improviser cannot proceed until we make psychological breakthroughs outside of the rehearsal room - eg. if I’m scared of failure/vulnerability in my real life, god knows I’m going to control everything on stage so I feel safe.
Today’s blog contributor, Drew, has always been one of my favourite scene partners. He’s super talented, impossibly charming and highly empathetic. When he told me he had been writing about applying the rules of improv to his life, I was intrigued. The words below are generously offered. An observation of art imitating life in unexpected ways (or is it the other way around?). I am deeply grateful to Drew for sharing his story. If you require immediate support before or after reading this piece, you may wish to reach out to LIFELINE on 13 11 14.
Yes, And Forever
(Part One)
Improv saved my life. I know how that sounds but it’s the truth. I’m not just speaking about the community or the creative outlet, although these have been instrumental in my recovery and growth. The fundamental rules of improv are a lifesaving guide to wellbeing and thriving. They have created a new normal for me, a solid platform of presence, observation, acceptance and connection. I have moved from a deep freeze trauma state of hopelessness, hypervigilance and dysregulation to being inquisitive, loving and grateful to be alive. I’m excited to see what happens next. I am writing about this because I believe that doing so will help others too. Yes, and forever. It’s not a cult.
‘This is Water’
David Foster Wallace
I am grateful for the privilege of my upbringing. My mother raised me to be a gentleman who places the needs and feelings of others ahead of my own. This is the balance within relationships that I knew to be normal and correct. This is a foundation that I thought was solid, a guide to being a decent person in the world. I am sharing this in order to illustrate that the audience will often observe truths about a character or platform before the performer does.
Five years ago I was really struggling and I wasn't taking care of myself. I was completely burnt out. I spent long hours watching the TV show ‘Alone’. The show features inspiring survivors in challenging environments attempting to meet their basic needs and speak their truth. It doesn’t matter how resilient you are, we are human and we can’t do it all alone. Connection was the need being neglected. We need other people. The irony was not lost on me.
I barely left my friend's couch. My capacity for life was very low but I could play a lot of XBOX games. While I struggled to meet my own basic needs in this world, I could spend hours taking care of my character in a game. Their needs were met with abundance, they were constantly growing, going on adventures and having a positive impact on their world. It's easy to care about others’ needs because it’s safe to do so; you love them and you want to see them do well. In the game I wasn’t getting in my own way. *I wanted to play and I gave myself permission to do so**. There was no messaging that second guessed providing the basic needs of my character.
In life I had a filter on my own thinking. My first person perspective was damaged. I had a neural pathway diverted that said that self compassion was not in my best interests. Logically I knew that this was a lie. I knew where the lie originated but I couldn’t consolidate that with how I saw the world.
I was trying to think my way out of the problem. Trauma alters the brain. Our survival responses are adaptations. We have created neural pathways that have kept us safe. Fortunately, neuroplasticity allows us to forge new pathways and change our thinking. I needed to get out of my own way in order to move forward. The survival mechanisms that had kept me safe for so long were no longer serving me.
I understand how a mind can shut down; like a computer trying to run too many vital programs at once. I had conflicting, recurring thoughts and processes looping in my head that I could not consolidate, quieten or reset. I longed so much for peace. My mind was trying so hard to keep me safe but there was an undeniable truth that I could not reject. I had a moment of clarity. I needed to accept someone as they are. That was it.
“Yes”
“This is true”
“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players”
William Shakespeare, As You Like It
In life, in a game and on stage, it is important to accept that there are players who play the game differently. We don’t need to know why they behave a certain way, just that their actions and behaviour may not be healthy for us. We safely observe how they are playing the game and set appropriate boundaries. Accepting them for who they are does not mean that we condone their actions. If you know that there is a dangerous predator nearby you give them the cautious respect that they demand.
Only in the real world do we get caught in questions of “How could a person do that?”, or “Why did they behave that way?”. Our desire to understand before accepting often ends up giving them the benefit of the doubt that permits repeated behaviour. We can’t change them, but we can observe them in order to accept our own opportunities for growth.
In improv, some players are guilty of steamrolling (also known as ‘bulldozing’ or ‘railroading’). This is where a player doesn’t permit others to have a voice and forces their own reality. They don’t build anything but wait in the shadows until they see an opportunity to take over. They repeat the same tricks but there are always new audience members who adore them. They know how to play the room and use the spotlight. Calling out bad behaviour in life as well as in improv is a skill to learn which requires the audience to be on our side.
When you see their game, be very careful, they are usually very experienced players. In life we must observe safely. If you are blind to their charm then their narrative supersedes your own and you become a supporting player in your own story. Saying yes to their offer without promoting something of your own is to permit their reality whilst ignoring your own needs. I had been led to believe that my voice wasn’t important. I had been a supporting character in somebody else's story for my entire life.
We all know a friend in an imbalanced relationship. Gaslighting completely alters their perspective. You want to break the spell that they are under but cannot drag them out of where they are. You are the supporting player waiting in the wings for them to reach out.
“Don't steal her struggle”
Agatha, Agatha All Along
Emerging from the chrysalis of a deep freeze trauma state is not dissimilar to conquering stagefright as a new player. You aren’t blinded by the lights but it takes time to adjust. Moving from overwhelm to safety doesn’t happen instantly. Imagine that you are a new player on the stage.
You are not alone. Take a deep breath. Take up space. You may feel that you are floundering but don’t give up. Be compassionate, patient and gentle with yourself. You are teaching yourself that you are safe. You’ve got this. Speak your truth clearly and be witnessed. This is a gift not just for you but for everyone around you. Reach out; support is available.
I’m so grateful that I was able to accept reality and for those who were there to support me. You may be surprised by who steps up to help you to make sense of things. I couldn’t do it all on my own. Grief needs to be witnessed. I gave people permission to be on my side. I learned that it was safe to let people in and accept support.
Writing down what I had accepted made room for more memories to emerge. It was like a tap had been turned on. There was no effort or pressure to remember. Permission had been granted to look objectively at all these files I had stored away. Flagged memories that were suppressed were seen again in a new light. I understand why people breaking out of this state can have a profound religious experience as they try to make sense of their new perspective.
“Yes this is true, and what else is true?”
I remembered.
Not just red flags but green flags too. I felt myself beginning to unnumb. It’s like the curtain is raised and you are suddenly connected. The intense spotlight is off, the house lights are up. The fear and isolation dissipates in this warm glow of connection. You are not alone. There is an audience out there willing you to succeed. They are so proud of you. Many are in awe of your bravery and the magic that you are able to create.
I have taken down walls. I feel connected. I feel love. I accept love. I am so grateful.
Andrew James Lochrie
August 2026
*Optional Homework Assignment:
The Protagonist
Live your life with the compassion, inquisitiveness and self-belief that you instinctively give to an avatar in a game or a character on stage.
Years ago our friend Steve joked that he was living in a role playing game. He found a random white keycard and added it to his inventory. He carried the card around with him in hope of finding a door to open that advanced his character in the game.
Imagine you are starting a new sandbox game. Picture your life as an RPG and you are your own character. You are player one in your own life. You want your player to succeed. You aren't an NPC in your own adventure. Play the game. Be safe. Look out for glimmers.
Use the basic rules of improv to nurture yourself, your scene and others. Wellbeing is the measure of success. Give yourself credit for self care, doing your best and living your life to your values. Reward yourself for completing tasks that make your world a better place, progress your story, level up your character and support others in their positive endeavours. Pay attention to the details and be on the look out for connection. Accept people as they are and observe safely. Say yes to opportunities and enjoy new adventures.
Your starting point for the game is right now. You are worthy. You are enough. You belong. Are you in a safe space? You must meet your basic survival needs first. An experienced player explained this to me as “You Must Take Care of the Baby”. You need health, safety, shelter, rest, water, food, warmth, movement, stimulation, connection etc.
Use your phone as an H.U.D. Open up some checklists for daily wellbeing ‘tasks’, sidequests and an inventory of random items. Be safe. Have fun.
Here are some suggestions:
Give yourself some credit!
DAILY QUESTS:
Hydrate
Eat
Sleep
Move
Shower
Connect
Rest
SIDE QUESTS:
Explore somewhere new - +XP
Take the city cat at sunset +XP
Begin a creative project - +XP
Sign up for a class +XP
Call someone you love +XP
and tell them - +XP
Say yes to a social situation +XP
Upgrade your avatar, your vehicle, your home
Get a haircut - +XP
Exercise +XP
Go for a long walk in nature +XP
Take a friend with you +XP
Go through the car wash +XP
Count your drinks +XP
Avoid alcohol & other substances if you can +XP
Clean a room +XP
Sew that button on +XP
Tidy a drawer +XP
Etc.
Take Care of the Baby
Play the Game
It’s not a Cult
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For immediate mental health support you can reach out to:
LIFELINE
Ph: 13 11 14
Website: https://www.lifeline.org.au/131114